so long since we talked....

hey all!!!

I haven't been on here in a year and I feel kind of terrible about it. I am definitely going to try harder :)

I haven't really got much of an update in my life really.

That boyfriend I talked about in the beginning is long gone. surprise surprise...

I have graduated from leicester uni and have moved home. I have now got a job in insurance, which is okay. something to keep me going.

And I am still writing. I have sent a short story out to a few magazines, but most of them have come back as "not quite right for our magazine".... but never mind, just got to keep pushing on :)

So from now on, I am going to try to come on here more often.

The Last Night : part 4

Hey! I am aware that I haven't been on here very much. The degree took over my life for a little while. But one more month and I am finished. Can't wait! Now I just need a job..... until then, I will write...

..........

My week's notice was up before I knew it and by that Friday I was walking around the house that I had known for so long, but would never be welcome in again. I was going to miss helping out around here. Although I had never truly been part of the family, I felt more at home here than in any other job that I had worked in. But Eloise was leaving, so it was only right I left too. 

Throughout the week, the house had been a flurry of activity, trying to get ready for Eloise's engagement party. It had been a relief to escape to the entertainment area to finish decorating. I had left Eloise a secret message within my painting so that, although we couldn't be together, she would always remember me when she visited. Part of me hoped that she would see it during her engagement party that night. Maybe she would change her mind and come and find me instead of marrying him. But other than that, the building had been decorated to Mr. and Mrs. Peters' exact specifications and I was proud that it would be my last work for them.

By five o'clock I picked up my last weeks pay from Mr. Peters. It was a sombre affair, but I think that he was conflicted. Part of him was going to miss my regular appearance around the grounds, but the other part of him was probably glad that I was leaving and that he no longer had to worry about my relationship with Eloise. I didn't get to see her before I left but I hadn't expected to. I knew it would be too painful to know that we were separating for good. So instead I was sure that she was busying herself by getting ready for her party.

As I walked away from the place that had been my second home for so long, I knew, deep down, that I would be back to see the old place and check how the family was getting on before long.

..........

As I finished my page, I felt genuine grief for Eddie. To leave a woman and job just because her parents didn't think he was good enough was heartbreaking. I truly had no idea what he was going to do now. The story was a mystery to me.

As tempted as I was to keep reading and find out how Eddie coped with being unemployed and single, Mike was going to be over soon. I dragged myself from the couch and headed for the shower to make myself more presentable. I walked down to Tesco to buy some fresh food for dinner. The afternoon was warm, much warmer than my flat had been, so I decided on cooking a chicken salad for Mike when he got back from football.

The Last Night : part 3

When we got back to the house, I realised that, I hadn't only left the door unlocked, but not quite shut. I shook my head and thanked god that this village was such a safe place to live. Not that I had ever known anywhere else. I had been born here and inherited the house when my mum had died. As far as I could see there was no point in going anywhere else. I have all that I could ever want... Or at least had. Now that Eloise was getting married and I had handed in my notice, I only really had the house and Ace. 


But Ace was not going to let me contemplate that. He was moaning already; obviously as hungry as I was. I went into the kitchen and got some dog food out for him. Once he was sated, I started to route around in the cupboards and fridge for something for myself. There was not much in. Some eggs, cheese and dried pasta. Hmmm... what to eat? In the end, I went for a cheese omelette. Quick and easy.


Before I knew it, I was sat in my dark living room, watching a live roulette show on the television. Looking at the clock, I realised I had been sat staring at the television all night. My omelette sat, half finished, on the table in front of me. I looked down at Ace who was lying at my feet. 


"Hey buddy, how long have I been sat here, huh?" I scratched behind his ears and emptied my plate into the bin in the kitchen. "Let's go to bed."

..........

I felt so sorry for Eddie. I could see that he was not going to take Eloise getting married well. I hoped for him to leave his village and find someone new; a new life. But I had a feeling that this was not how it was going to happen. 

The Last Night : part 2

As I was falling to sleep, I couldn't help going back to the book. Why would Eloise do that if she really loved him? I couldn't imagine ever telling Mike I was going to marry someone else because he didn't earn enough money. It was crazy! Eddie obviously loved her more than she loved him. It was the only way to explain it. Already, I decided that I didn't like Eloise very much as a character, and I was only a page or two in!

..........

The next morning was a Saturday, which meant that there was no need to get up and do anything. Mike was going to be at football until late afternoon and so the day stretched out in front of me. I got dressed and had breakfast, then curled up on the sofa under the spare duvet that I always kept there. As much as I loved it, my one problem with my flat was that it took forever to warm up. I tried to watch some Saturday t.v. but it was not very interesting; a cooking show, a nature show and some kids' t.v. Before long, I was opening the book again.

I walked home after work feeling quite lost. What was I going to do now? How would I manage without her? I could only be thankful that the Peters' had agreed to only make me work my notice of a week instead of the month that was written in my contract. They obviously felt it was a good idea to get me out of the way of Eloise as quickly as possible. I just had to finish fixing up the outside barn, which they were turning into an entertainment area. The builders had been in, so it was just up to me to put the finishing touches to the place before I left. 

I got home and was greeted by my dog, Ace, who, it seemed, had been waiting for his walk all afternoon. His lead was at his feet and he was barking and pawing at me for attention. 

"Okay, okay Ace. We will go for a walk." 

I put down my tools and attached his lead straight away. He was out of the door before I even had a chance to lock it. I walked him out of the village towards the Peters' house without even thinking about it. Before I knew it, we were walking up the back path towards the house. I could just see Eloise's window lit up against the oncoming darkness. She was unaware that I was here, wishing that I could be with her inside that room. Ace interrupted my thoughts as he pulled me off the path after a rabbit. 

By the time we were walking back towards home, Eloise's light had gone out. It was dinner time by the looks of things. I could just see the glow of the dining room lights, illuminating the garden to my right. My heart yearned for me to be in there. Taking part in the family meal, an accepted member of the family. But it had never, and would never, happen. I was not good enough for their little princess. We headed home, with my stomach beginning to rumble. Definitely dinner time. 

The Last Night

I am meant to be writing my dissertation, but have gone in for a distraction instead...

It all started with a book. A book that I was given for no reason at all. Just a book that he thought I would like... It was called 'The Last Night' and had a deep blue cover, with a lighter shade of swirls in the background. I couldn't wait to start reading it. In fact, I opened it right there and then, in the middle of the restaurant. The first sentence sent chills up my spine: "I was walking in a clearing, listening hard for the sounds of footsteps..." Why? Where was he?

"Hello?" my boyfriend, Mike, asked. "Have I lost your attention completely?"

Well, he had. What could I say? So I put the book in my bag, out of temptations way and smiled at him.

"Thank you," I reached across the table and took his hand. We carried on with our meal, but I was secretly waiting for my next chance to open the book; wondering what was going to happen. The food was not as appetising as I had expected, though that could have been because I was distracted. Before long we were leaving the restaurant, and heading back to my place. I was quite proud of my new flat. It had really high ceilings, a large kitchen to cook in and I had gone out an bought a massive bed to fill my bedroom. I had only been living there for six weeks, since I had got my new job and had to move across the county. It was not really a problem, of course, because I had already lived here once, when I was at university and Mike had always been here.

As we walked up to the entrance, I knew he was wanting to come in. He had been so lovely to me, buying me the book and paying for dinner, I couldn't exactly send him away. So in we went, and I put the kettle on. We sat for a while, chatting and kissing.

"Are you staying tonight?" I asked him, secretly hoping he was planning on going back home. I am not strange. I truly do love Mike, but we have spent nearly every night together since I moved back, and I just wanted the bed to myself for a change. It sounded so ungrateful.

"Yeah, I am. Luke wants me to come to training in the morning, and you know I won't go if I stay here. I will be too distracted," he joked while kissing my neck. I moved back so that I could kiss him properly.

"Okay then." The kisses were becoming more urgent, knowing that we didn't have all night. It was already midnight, he would be leaving soon. All of a sudden, knowing that he was going, I didn't want him to. I didn't care about the book or having the bed to myself, I wanted to be able to cuddle up into him all night.

Silently giving myself a telling off for being so ridiculous, I took his hand and took him to my bedroom.


I showed him out an hour later, and locked the door behind him. As much as I loved this flat, I was still very worried about something happening. The door was always locked. I slid on some pyjamas and rolled into my bed, realizing that, although I hadn't really wanted Mike to stay, the bed seemed very big and empty now he had gone. Finally, I could take 'The Last Night' out of my bag and get back into it.

'I was walking in a clearing, listening hard for the sounds of footsteps. I knew I couldn't be found wandering around here tonight. But I couldn't help it! I felt like I had been drawn here by something; like I had to be here. I knew this was probably just my own subconscious. It was, after all, Eloise's engagement party. Which I hadn't been invited to. Just because of our history together. I knew in my heart that Eloise would never be marrying that guy, that Jeremy, if it was not for her parents. They were the ones that had put their foot down over our relationship. I could practically hear their voices ringing in my ears. 


"He's not good enough for you... Only an handyman... You could do better Eloise."


Until eventually she did it. She came and found me fixing the sink one day and broke the news.


"I am getting married, Eddie. I am going to marry Jeremy Richards at the end of the month." She had a smile on her face. I couldn't help thinking it: Bitch! But when I looked closer, I could see that she was hiding the tears. Instantly, I berated myself for jumping to conclusions. She didn't want to marry him, she knew that we could never be together if she married Jeremy. I could see her point though, he was earning a lot of money compared to me; working at a bank in the city, a much better choice of husband. She would always be well looked after, but I knew it was me that she wanted. Unable to say anything that mattered, I just nodded and gave her my congratulations. She left the room, singing to keep her grief away. 


I finished fixing the sink that afternoon, and gave my notice in to her parents: Mr. and Mrs. Peters. I didn't want to be working in the house that would soon no longer hold Eloise's singing or laughter.'

My first ever blog!

Hey all!
I am not sure if anyone is going to read this, but I thought I would give it a go.

Today I finished my last exam of my university degree. Ever!! I wonder if anyone else knows how good it feels to walk out knowing they do not need to revise or write an essay in timed conditions ever again? I am sure a lot of you do... Well, it has made me realise that soon I am going to have to grow up *shock! horror!* so now is for the dilemma of what to do next year...

Do I go back home? Do I stay in my university town? And what job should I get??

I have always written stories, but now I am contemplating turning that into a career of sorts... I bet no-one has thought of that before... so this is a little road test for me, where I can put down in writing my ideas and updates...

Got to go now, my boyfriend is taking me for pancakes....

Write soon x